You sir, are crusing for a brusing.
Yeah, I see you looking at me punk. Let me tell you how it’s going to go down:
I will start by giving you a hyper-spanking. Oh, you don’t know what a hyper-spanking is? Oh, you better believe I’m going to tell you what a hyper-spanking is!
A hyper-spanking is when I hit your fool ass so damn hard that you actually travel back in time. Thanks to quantum physics, I will give you the beatdown of a lifetime*. Or more. This is the beatdown frenzy. Yeah, I see you sweating. I’m’a gonna go get my whompin stick.
So like, the hyper-spanking, this isn’t no kind of “fun” go back in time, like the land of the dinosaurs and a tropical vacation, or the middle ages where you can “invent” gunpowder (you poser, you) and conquer the known world. Oh no. Your ass is getting sent back in time to 1980. Yeah, you heard me, 1980. Bad hair, bad music, bad movies, and Ronald Reagan. Shaking in your undies yet?
Then, when you get back, and are 26 years older and are all decrepit and stuff, I will point at you. And laugh.
*Assuming you are 26 or younger. If you happen to be 13 or younger, it’s the beating of at least two lifetimes.