As a reaction to the ultraconsumerism and ultraculturalism of holidays, I would like to introduce a new holiday, specifically designed to be free of consumerist overtones.
I call it ‘Mandatory Winter Spartan Day.’ (Focus groups found the alternate names of Mandatory Winter Spartan Fest or Mandatory Winter Spartan Jubilee to be too fun. Fun is not allowed on MWSD.)
On Mandatory Winter Spartan Day, to be held annually on December 30th, we introspectively look back on the previous year, and ruminate on things we did and things we didn’t do.
Entertainment is not allowed on Mandatory Winter Spartan Day, as it distracts one from the ability to properly and stoicly process the previous year. To stave off boredom, reading is allowed. So far, Kant, Nietzsche, and Marx are the only approved MWSD authors. Purchasing of gifts is specifically forbidden, although you may buy a tract by one of the approved authors for use by a loved one; they are required to regift the tract the following year.
The traditional Mandatory Winter Spartan Day foods consist of water, and ramen noodles. Without the flavor packet.
Try to spoil *that*, you consumerist bastards.