Cloverfield is a Pile of Shit

Tim and I rented this tonight. It is quite possibly the worst movie I have scene in some time.

It’s not about the monster. It’s about a bunch of boring characters.

The movie has a horrible first-person camera man motif. It’s in the context of a home video recording. This would be interesting for a fifteen minute arthaus film, but it drags on and on and on.

There’s minimal action, pieced together between long scenes of nothing happening and the characters being confused and scared.

I had no empathy for any of the characters. They were cardboard cutouts with no personality. Cliches have more personality.

There was no tension, no suspense. No pacing. All I wanted was for the movie to end.

Spoilers: The monster is really fucking big. They don’t kill it in the end. Everyone dies. But you could have figured that out from the first minute of the film. There, now you don’t need to see it either.

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4 thoughts on “Cloverfield is a Pile of Shit

  1. Ewen says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who felt this way.

    The way I explain it to people is, if I wanted to watch something where nothing means anything and everyone dies in the end, I’ll just pay more attention to real life. That’s not what I go to a movie for.

  2. Good Robot says:

    Complete Shitfilled movie,except for the creature parts which were pretty cool,except for the last creature bit,which bit camera dudes legs off Ha Ha.
    MoFo was asking for it!!

  3. manigordo says:

    5 years 6 months and 2 weeks have passed since the worst traumatizing event of my life… And that’s obv because it was the worst movie I have ever saw! I hated it!!! It actually made me physically sick. Even now it hurts to remember that I paid for being ripoff and suckered-punch. It’s unfathomable how any self-respected and intelligent person, would’ve given a good word of mouth or review to this abomination; that shouldn’t have ever been made in the first place. The worst thing is that if you disagree, then you’re “so stoopid”, because you “just don’t get it”. Apparently this film has set a new bar for other self important, illogical, incoherent, senseless, and pretentious artsy films then. The only emotions I got when I left the theater were nausea, regret, shame, disgust, and anger. So if that was their intent; then I must admit, hands down, that they succeeded spectacularly! But what it makes me so angry now, is that in the advent of Pacific Rim; some “people” have the nerve to comparing such pile of dung to, at least to the moment, the most fun and best movie of the year! This just is so wrong and unfair at so many levels, it’s not even funny to joke about it! Sorry if this comes as a bit long, necro, and ranty. I could go on and on; but just wanted to say that and share it with others. So that everyone knows about it and at the same time doesn’t happen again. Not even a rental! Let never be a Cloverfield sequel, ever!!!

  4. John Heppell says:

    jj shit a brick when he made this its total crap

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